I’m In a Wig Funk… by, Rhea Parsons
Lately, I’ve been in a funk. Nothing looks good on me; even wigs I’ve loved in the past. It’s been going on for awhile now. Just like when you stand in front of your closet that is packed with clothes but feel like you have nothing to wear? Yeah, that feeling. That’s how I feel about wigs right now.
I first noticed it a couple of months ago at a doctor’s appointment when I caught a glimpse of my reflection under the harsh fluorescent lights. The beautiful wig I was wearing, in a medium brown with auburn highlights, the color that I had declared a favorite, suddenly looked awful. It was harsh and brassy and I hated it. Thinking it was just the lighting at the doctor’s office, I filed it away under “remember to avoid fluorescent lighting” and went home. The feeling stayed with me, though. Suddenly, every wig in that favorite color looked “too red.” So, I sold them. Then all my browns were “too dark,” my long wigs were “too long,” and my shorter wigs were “too short.” I kept selling all my wigs, thinking I needed to start from scratch.
I immersed myself in brondes (blonde browns) - moving from a base of 8 to 12. Trying them on, I either loved them or hated them. That would be okay except that the second time I tried them on, my opinion was reversed! Now all my wigs were “too light,” and “too blonde.” Cue head exploding right here 🤯
Thinking I should go list all my lighter wigs for sale now and go back to darker, I stopped and called on the psych person I’m supposed to be. What is going on with me? It can’t be that all the wigs are wrong. It must be me. Yes, Taylor Swift, it’s me. Hi. I’m the problem, it’s me. It has nothing to do with the wigs at all. In fact, a wig sister had recently posted about going through a similar funk. I commented that when that happens to me, it’s usually not about the wigs at all, but more about how I’m feeling about myself. I can be pretty insightful – when it’s for other people.
I’ve spent the past couple of weeks really thinking about it and today, after speaking with two close friends, it became so clear. I’m in a personal limbo right now. To make a very long story short, after a long bout of domestic violence and loss, I’m trying to start over. When I say “start over,” I mean from the very beginning, like I had to learn to go outside the house or look out a window without having a panic attack. In the past 3 ½ years, I’ve come so far and last week, my divorce finally came through. Instead of celebrating, however, I find myself standing near the top of the mountain I was so scared to even attempt climbing, looking around and thinking,” Now what?” “What am I supposed to do now?”
For myself, I’m struggling with money, finding work, my identity, PTSD, and fear of the unknown. I’m trying to look forward and stop looking back. What does this have to do with wigs, you ask? Everything. Our hair is so important to us. It’s such an integral part of our identities. So how do you choose a wig when you’re not sure who you are anymore?
I’ve been wearing wigs for over 25 years and for most of that time, I’ve worn the colors and styles closest to my bio hair – darkest brown, shoulder-length wavy/curly. Last April when life changed drastically, yet again, I started going lighter and longer. It was like playing dress-up, I could be somebody else. I spent a lot of money trying new colors and styles, only to end up selling most of them and taking a big financial loss. The one consistent piece to this puzzle? When I feel happier and more confident, pleased with who I’m becoming, I think I look good in almost everything. But when I’m stuck, depressed, feeling lost and frustrated, I don’t think I look good in anything. And no one can convince me otherwise. The wigs sit unused in the closet, unworn, unloved. Kind of like how I feel about myself.
So today, as I sat here debating selling everything and going back to the beginning, I decided to take a vacation from making decisions. I don’t want to regret selling wigs any more than I want to regret buying even more. I said to my friend today, “I’m buying wigs for the person I want to be but I’m not her yet. They are fantasies and I don’t feel comfortable wearing them yet.” That explains why, when I’m feeling like this, I revert back to my comfort zone – the darker hair – except I’m not so comfortable there anymore either. That Rhea is gone, the new Rhea is still in production…so what does this all mean?
Well, if you find yourself in a similar type of funk, take a good, honest look at your life. Are there things you’re not happy with – your relationships, your weight, your job, your money situation, etc.? Are you feeling like you’re not sure who you are right now? Are you going through changes or transitions in any parts of your life? If so, the problem may not be the wigs, any more than the problem is the clothes when you try on everything you own and nothing, absolutely nothing, looks good.
The good news is that transitions don’t last forever. There is no reason to make final decisions or declare “THIS IS WHO I AM!” at any point in our lives. Life is a constant journey, and we are always changing, always evolving. My friend suggested I have wigs in a variety of colors and styles to match my different moods. Why didn’t I think of that? No one says I must be brunette, or bronde, or red, or blonde, or any one color. What I do need to do is keep working on myself, keep moving forward, keep finding out who is the Rhea going into this next chapter.
Yes, I’m in a funk right now. Life is hard, limbo is hard, change is hard, and we get tired. That’s okay. We need to remember to be kind to ourselves, to give ourselves a break and try not to be so critical of ourselves. Wherever I’ve been, wherever I am, and wherever I’m going, it’s my Rheality and you know what? I’m pretty excited to see what happens next and to see which wigs I’ll be wearing when it does!
About the author: Rhea Parsons, of The Rheality of Wigs, has been wearing wigs for over 25 years due to autoimmune disorders. Follow her on Instagram at www.instagram.com/theRhealityofwigs and on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/therhealityofwigs.